Seminarians Upset by Lay Pulpit Attacks

In one of the most devastating attacks yet on Father Ramolla and his two young seminarians, a former parishioner of St. Albert's has dared to publish an article characterizing our seminary as a "brothel".  The article (at www.thelaypulpit.blogspot.com) has received huge attention worldwide, and is widely regarded as having rung the death bell for Athanasius Seminary, Inc.  Not only that, but it has put a severe strain on our two highly-strung seminarians, who were not even well enough to be tempted by an angry Father Ramolla to another meal at one of Butler County's most expensive restaurants.

We urge our readers to disregard completely the insinuations of this article.  It is quite obvious to all who know him that Father Ramolla's proclivities are not in this direction.  Belying this crude attempt to portray him as something less than manly are the many angry complaints lodged against him on a regular basis since his seminary days -- all of which are connected with women and teenage girls.  Make no mistake, Father Ramolla is quite the man!

As for our seminarians, we have had many opportunities to observe them closely and it is again obvious that they are quite comfortable with who and what they are, making no attempt to hide their mutual admiration.  Although it is quite normal for them to end even their public conversations with the now familiar "I love you", this is a perfectly acceptable form of speech among young men today, and I'm sure our male readers will recognize it as typical of the way you yourselves speak to other men.

The one good thing about the article is that it served to publicize the poetic talents of one of Father Ramolla's boys.  Written by one of our seminarians as he fondly gazed at a sleeping colleague with whom he shared a bedroom at Mater Dei Seminary, the poem is entitled The Vigil, and reflects with deep empathy on the sufferings of the poor boy at the hands of the cold and unfeeling bishops and priests of the boy's two previous seminaries.  With a depth of feeling unequalled by Browning or Shelley, we are moved by the seminarian's fond whispers to his sleeping room mate:

"We desire your welfare, we love you truly,
And hold you to our hearts most tenderly."

Indeed the elegance of the rhymes is perhaps unequalled in English literature:

"For I love you and desire your true happiness,

But often I have heard you sigh: 'What a mess'."

It certainly takes a particular kind of talent to come out with lines like that, and it should give our readers a better insight into the makeup and personality of the young men who are all that's left of Athanasius Seminary, Inc.