Father Ramolla Seeks New Apostolate

Father Markus Ramolla left his native Germany, where he was pursuing a promising career cultivating cabbages in Bavaria, in order to receive his only formal education at Bishop Sanborn's Holy Trinity Seminary in Florida.  Detesting seminary life in which he was subjected to the authority of other people less gifted than himself, and to the acquisition of difficult theological concepts, he was finally ordained by Bishop Daniel Dolan of St. Gertrude the Great Church in West Chester, Ohio.

Pictured here at St. Gertrude's, from which Bishop Dolan soon dismissed him as a trouble maker, he opened the doors to Athanasius Seminary, Inc. in September 2011, with seminarians rescued from CMRI's Mater Dei Seminary in Omaha, Nebraska.  Father's abilities and charisma can be clearly seen in this remarkable coup, the result of hundreds of hours spent between January and July of 2010 telephoning and texting with Bishop Pivarunas' seminarians, finally succeeding in persuading them of the inferior quality of their education, and carefully grooming them into an awareness of their need to help him found a new seminary more suited to their personal lifestyle.

Since then, the seminary's ordaining bishop, every member of the faculty, and half the seminarians have either left or been dismissed.  But this has not deterred our courageous Father Ramolla from incorporating the seminary in March 2012, and seeking tax exempt status and the bishop's mitre.

Father hopes to draw more vocations from overseas to his seminary by promising them religious worker status, with a weekly salary and expensive visa applications to be paid for by the generosity of the parishioners of St. Albert the Great Church, of which Father Ramolla is temporary Pastor in his spare time from the seminary.

As Father Ramolla is now the only teacher left at the seminary, there are no actual classes, although Father occasionally provides lessons to the two seminarians in serving Mass and similarly important things that priests need to know a bit about.  Father hopes to turn the lack of education at the seminary to his advantage by attracting vocations among the less intellectually gifted.  Those who find the courses at other traditional seminaries (such as Mater Dei) to be too challenging are encouraged to leave, and join us instead at Athanasius Seminary Inc.  Here they will find no unpleasant challenges to their intellect, while Father Ramolla brings his own brand of personal care for their well-being and creature comforts.  Any seminarian who remains loyal and obedient is assured of being ordained sooner or later.

Any bishop or priest reading this, and interested in inviting Father Ramolla to take over his church, should note that Father's knowledge and managerial talent, not to mention his well known moral conduct and diplomatic skills, have made him the ideal candidate for the episcopacy he so ardently desires.  References are available from Father Ramolla himself, and on no account should references be sought from Bishops Sanborn, Dolan, Pivarunas, McKenna, Neville, or Petko.